I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
