if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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