Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
