You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
