Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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