I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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