dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
