Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
