i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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