and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need a beard to bite.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
