Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
