I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
