If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
