Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
