btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
