I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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