She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
