I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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