how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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