remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
