I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
