i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
