Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
