how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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