You can't special order awesome
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
