Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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