my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
