We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
