WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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