I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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