If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
