I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
