I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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