sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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