Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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