The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
