: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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