I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
bring money and cleavage
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
