I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
