You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
