Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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