I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ketchup is God's man juice
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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