I wanna bring you to show and tell
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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