I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
