This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
