oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
