Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
