I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
