I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
