the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My vagina just clenched in fear
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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