All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
