Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
