he referred to my room as the tit cave...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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