no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
