Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
