I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
