What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
