I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
