the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
